The Orchestrator of my life

I know I shouldn't be amazed. He has orchestrated my life since the beginning... weaving strings of beauty with the good, bad and sometimes ugly. Just like we don't often recognize the work of art until it is close to completion, so are our lives in so many ways.

So many things I didn't understand when I was walking through them but now see as instrumental steps to set me up for some of the greatest blessings in my life. My comprehension of this now adds to my faith and trust in my Orchestrator, my Author, my Father, my God.

When I go through "stuff" or He asks me to do a hard thing... I know He has a purpose for it and I don't need to waste time questioning Him or asking for a sneak peak of my future before I obey. Oh... I ask questions and he loves to help me understand but I don't "question" Him, His goodness, His love. How hurtful that would be when He always has my very best in mind (and I have learned in doing so I am actually just delaying the blessing in the plan God has for me, anyways.)

I know some hard sides to "stuff"... "stuff" like...

~thinking I ought to be perfect and coming up so very short,

~living the before, during and after of my parents' divorce,

~watching some I held so very high fall so very low,

~battling with the enemy's nasty weapon of depression, living very lonely at times,

~losing 1... 2... 3 precious babies before we could even hold them,

~building big.... selling much smaller, saying goodbye and learning to start over,

~watching the enemy take the minds and attack the bodies of those I love so much,

~watching others through choices of their own give the enemy their future, their physical freedom,

~waiting and facing fears of my own diagnosis and learning to trust, first hand, His most loving, healing hand.

and, the freshest and maybe one of the most difficult to navigate

~being obedient to God but disappointing so many others who didn't understand. Losing a lot that I loved a lot. Giving up much to allow God to use me greater... build me into something new... something different... for a greater more precise purpose for Him.

We all have "stuff" that we have had to walk through. Sometimes I think a big purpose of that "stuff" is to help others through their "stuff". I will never forget what I once read... "God never wastes a hurt."

One way God has been able to use me to help others is by just simply sharing my story... sharing my "stuff"... but most importantly impactful sharing how God made something beautiful even out of some of that most yucky stuff.

I am writing these words for two reasons... one to record God's goodness in my life in all situations; and two, to encourage others who haven't gotten to the good yet. Please know... It is coming. He will not leave you. He loves you. He will never waste a single hurt if you let Him use it!

May these words be used by God... may they point you directly to Him... to His love... to His purpose for you. He is the Orchestrator of my life.